A Loneliness Loud and Deafening
I wake in the middle of the night
To a loneliness loud and deafening
I close my eyes imploring it to stop,
Begging dreams of fantasy to replace the darkness
Hugging a pillow close
Only to be reminded it has no heartbeat
“Patience, Nita, the light will come…”
and 124 long minutes later
Nickelback chimes
“If Today Was Your Last Day”
reminding me to get a grip…
Four furry heartbeats jump onto the bed
Charlie laying his face on top of mine
as if to say, “You like morning kisses. Won’t mine do?”
Seamus nesting his head in the crook of my other arm,
Zuma lying across my feet
Jazzie owning everyone, walking straight up the middle,
his face right in mine.
They’re my helium
lifting me out of bed,
the same bed in which I try to find refuge
from the daily grind of rising, working, eating and “sleeping” alone, rinse and repeat.
Though I’ve picked up the shards of my shattered life
sometimes there’s a hidden piece of glass that cuts me deeply
I try to hide my winces behind my lipstick smile
but if you look closely enough
you’ll see trembling lips and eyes like ponds about to spill their banks
