I wake in the middle of the night

To a loneliness loud and deafening

I close my eyes imploring it to stop, 

Begging dreams of fantasy to replace the darkness

Hugging a pillow close

Only to be reminded it has no heartbeat

“Patience, Nita, the light will come…”

and 124 long minutes later

Nickelback chimes

“If Today Was Your Last Day”

reminding me to get a grip…

Four furry heartbeats jump onto the bed

Charlie laying his face on top of mine

as if to say, “You like morning kisses. Won’t mine do?”

Seamus nesting his head in the crook of my other arm,

Zuma lying across my feet

Jazzie owning everyone, walking straight up the middle,

his face right in mine.

They’re my helium

lifting me out of bed,

the same bed in which I try to find refuge

from the daily grind of rising, working, eating and “sleeping” alone, rinse and repeat.

Though I’ve picked up the shards of my shattered life

sometimes there’s a hidden piece of glass that cuts me deeply

I try to hide my winces behind my lipstick smile

but if you look closely enough 

you’ll see trembling lips and eyes like ponds about to spill their banks